Yes, yes yes! I managed to spark interest in probably 20-50 people, someone out there is willing to read what I write, and that truly makes me happy.
Well, it's already noon here in the city that people think never sleeps, and to be perfectly honest, I'm as exhausted as a car going nowhere. Anyway, for the past few days, I've been a doing some lurking of my own, and I stumbled upon an "article" about crushes and "ghosting" and all that gunk.
Understand: Love is a scary thing, especially when one-sided. Unrequited, whatever!
I'm here to tell you a story that will be change for convenience, you know just in case the other character of this story finally finds this blog and starts questioning me. So you know what, to make things slightly impossible for the other party to understand but at the same time know what I'm talking about, I'll become a lesbian for convenience (Note: Turns out I'm very straight, yet more attracted to gay men than anything).
Alright! Let's start this story almost three years back, when the internet was my life.
I met a person some time ago who to be perfectly honest, did think was my type, to make matters worse, I didn't think I even had a type to begin with, around that time, before slut shaming existed, I was slutting around town with two other humans shamelessly. Anyway, this person, we're going to call Abby, was a drifter who stumbled upon my profile online, so we started chatting and almost immediately I was a bit taken aback, but at the same time I was like, I like talking to Abby, she's a smarty-pants, she's really into her own thing, I really like her flow.
The comes a time when now we've moved from talking online to texting and that was when we took it one step further, skipping the "getting to know each other better" and the "dating" part of life, so we met up, but around then I wasn't too sure about adding another person into my life because I had somehow become a pet of some sort, and things were really awkward between Abby and I. In the end nothing happened and I wasn't expecting Abby to actually message me again, but she did, and even though I couldn't understand why she did it, I was happy.
Fast forward to the first time between us, it was rough but we got through it and once again i wasn't expecting Abby to text me, but she did, and I still didn't understand why but I was ok with it. NOt long after we're going back and forth and I find myself conflicted because I was having problems with dealing with loneliness at the time and I depended on Abby to keep me sane, so now I'm asking myself, "am I in love or am I lonely?"
Another fast forward to early last year, I feel as if Abby is quickly losing interest in me and I'm starting to get desperate. Talking to Abby made me so happy and at peace with things, she would often give me useless advice, but the fact that she made an effort made me see roses. Abby was sweet, awkward like me, really great to talk to and an all around good person, but at the same time, Abby wasn't seeing what I was seeing. It was as if all she saw in herself was just another person living day to day, with no purpose, that when I realized, whether it was love or lust I felt for Abby, nothing could change that I really cared about her and I didn't want her to lose interest in me at all.
This is long I know, but if you're reading my rants they only get longer with time.
But, alas, Abby disappeared for some time and to be honest, I was listening to too much Beyonce at the time to even give a fuck, but I was a little upset for the first month of her leaving me in the dust, but the second I realized it was time to focus on me and give myself the attention I needed. Thanks Mama Yonce, you always come through. So I went back to school and things were well.
Anyway, here's a summary of what's really going on, for the past few weeks, I've fallen victim to her ghosting, but here's the thing: soy Hispana, y que se joda!
But then again, if you love something, let it go, and if it comes back, it's yours.
Anyway my beautiful Lurkers, here's to hoping that I get 100 more views so that I can grace you with another story about who I am or who I could be. Adios~!
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